My friend Chi posted the above story to Instagram, and upon seeing it, I immediately felt like an imposter. Here is a working definition of imposter syndrome if it is new to you. I could only repost the IG story after making the edits, otherwise, I would totally feel like an imposter. What do you call a person who is annoyed by most people? That’s me.
I would not describe myself as generous and selfless. I have bouts of generosity and selflessness, but I am more likely to describe myself as being a good friend. Why is it so hard for me to see myself as generous and selfless, and why do I feel like an imposter? Shall we dig in, of course we will!
I am the guy who saw a homeless woman in Denver with a kind face, and felt compelled to give her $20. But I am also the guy who rolls up to a group ride, and based on little to no interaction, conclude that I do not like you. I am that A-hole cyclist too. I live in a parallel paradox world of both of these scenarios. And don’t even get me started on the thoughts that I have in my head. If you had access to some of my thoughts, you would definitely not think I am a generous person. I recently read The Molecule of More book, and it described dopaminergic people as caring about humanity but not necessarily liking humans. That’s me. I have used way more than my fair share of #humanstheworst hashtag. And this is why I have a hard time when people be posting IG stories about me as a generous person. And I am not alone, there are several people who agree; and two of these people immediately responded to the IG story with, “Kiet is generous and selfless? Who dis?”. I am not generous and selfless.
I am currently in Maui, and my friend Cristin was trying her darnedest to convince me that I am a kind person. No matter how hard she tried, or what argument she used, I just couldn’t be convinced. One reason why I may not feel that I am a kind person is because I don’t think that I feel kind. I feel cynicism. I feel joy and excitement. I feel the self-satisfaction of knowing how to be a good friend. But I don’t feel kind. Let’s go back to the example of me giving the $20 to the homeless woman. I didn’t do it because I felt kind. I remember her making me feel warm and fuzzy because she just had this absolute look of contentment and happiness, even though she was homeless; and I gave her $20 for making me feel good. And to further drive my point, a kind person would not roll up to a group ride and decide that they do not like a person with absolutely no basis. It is much easier to judge people when you don’t feel kind. And for the final time, I am not kind. I am not generous either. And damned if I’m selfless. Instead, call me a good friend.
And yes, when you are single and have no children, you have soooooo much extra and free time to ruminate on shit like this, and then even more available hours to write and edit your thoughts. So. Much. Free. Time. Every. Damn. Day. Don’t. Have. Kids.
And oh, thanks David Sasaki for encouraging me to leave 2008 and Blogger behind and switch to Substack. It’s amazeballs.
You’re both a good friend and generous. But I would love to see you be a true asshole — I don’t believe it!