I will explain Maui Mana with a story. I was out surfing on Thursday morning and after 75 minutes, I had the typical surfer’s dilemma: waves getting bad, maybe I should go in, but what if they get good again? But a feeling told me to paddle back to shore. I was so glad that I did because when I got to the rental car, the engine was on! I left the car engine on for close to an hour and a half! I packed the board into the car and then turned to see the ocean, and what do you know, the waves were pumping again. A father with his wife and two kids were unpacking their boards next to me, and he said, “that always happens” and jokingly suggested that I paddle back out. I took him up on his joke.
I paddled out and got myself into the line-up. After some time, I struck up a conversation with a local, Jenna. I told Jenna the story of leaving the car engine on, and she responded, “Mana told you to paddle back in. Maui Mana takes care of good people, and I have a feeling you are a good person.” And that my friends, is Maui Mana.
Talking to Strangers
I think most of you know that I met Cristin (in the top photo) at a coffee shop here on Maui in 2022. Since then, we have become very close friends and our friendship feels almost effortless. I’m sure most of you know what I mean. Contrary to what you might think, talking to strangers does not come easy for me. I rarely initiate the first “Hello” or the first wave to a stranger, because I fear rejection and the person not responding in kind; and because of this, I almost always respond in kind. Thus, talking to strangers is a practice for me. If something feels right, I will push myself to go for it, and most of the time, I am rewarded. Yesterday, I shared a killer sunrise breakfast spot with this stranger (above photo), and we made brief conversation because he is from Argentina, and his English is limited. I support and encourage you to talk to strangers, and though it’s unlikely, don’t come for me if it doesn’t go well.
Social Media
I’ve been musing about social media, specifically why it is that I participate, and whether it truly is benign for me. In terms of participation, the simple answer is, for whatever reason, I just really enjoy telling stories via content creation. There is a creativity that I truly love. Before Instagram, I was creating content as a blogger from 2008-2013, and if you look around the site, you will definitely recognize my current style even from way back then. But is this love benign? I don’t think so.
Once I get an idea for content, my type A personality takes over, and it becomes an obsession that I need to manage. I often forsake responsibilities, friendships, and being present to create, edit, and share the content. Some of you unfortunately have beared witness to this obsession. When I am in this frenzy, I try and rationalize with myself: I don’t get paid for this, I have less than 400 followers and more than half are probably bots, my work or the friend sitting right in front of me should take priority. I am sad to say that I probably have a losing record. Why. Do. I. Do. This? I don’t know, but it often feels like the most pressing thing that I need to do when I am in an I.G. hole. And it feels so cathartic when I press the SHARE button. So in terms of forsaking friendships, work and being present, social media is not benign for me.
My friend Genevieve recently popped in my head the other week and I texted her to ask, “How are you?” She responded by saying that she had gotten off social media, and it dawned on me that I thought of her because we had not been interacting on the ‘gram. I was mistaking our interactions on the ‘gram as valid friendship interactions. As I thought on this, I realized that I.G. interactions are more passive than active forms of expressing friendships. If I truly want to be a friend, I need to reach out to my friends with at least a call, a text or an email, but ideally in person. A friendship solely through the ‘gram is not benign.
Hamas-Israel Conflict
Yes, I’ve been quiet. But please don’t equate my silence as apathy. At some point, I landed on social media not being the proper place for me to engage in this way. My current stance is that I prefer to have in-person dialogue. I’ve lead discussions with my students in the past several weeks, as well as engaged in group discussions with my peers at school. I have also engaged in dialogue with my friends, and I am happy to share my thoughts with you, or listen to your thoughts. Please reach out if you want to talk. One thing that I do want to say on social media is that I truly feel that the adults of this world have repeatedly failed our children. What would this world be like if ALL adults behaved in the best interests of children.
Update on Health
Since my last post, an update on my health, I still don’t know exactly what I have and what the treatment will be. I will know more first on December 18 when I get my echocardiogram and then on December 20, when I talk to my cardiologist for the second time. I would love to say that I embody Sha’Carri Richardson’s I am not back, I am better, but that’s just not the case. For awhile, I felt both physically and mentally fine, and I still carry a feeling of gratitude on the daily. But in the last several days, I have felt a toll both physically and mentally—yes, even while in paradise like Maui. I cannot distinguish if it is mental as in anxiety or physical as in some type of arrhythmia, but my friend Charisa said it’s probably both; and my friend, Joy, just echoed the same sentiment tonight. Throughout the day, I’ve experienced brain fog, an inability to focus while engaged in conversation, shortness of breath, chest pain, and tingling in my hands and feet. I take my pulse and no erratic heartbeats as was the case two months ago. I take an EKG reading and normal sinus rhythm (however both Joy and a deep dive on the WWW confirmed that my 1-lead Kardia EKG device is not reliable, especially for atrial flutter). There were at times today and yesterday when my physical symptoms felt very similar to how I felt when I was diagnosed with atrial flutter in the emergency room. The good news is that they discharged me from the emergency room with no treatment. Writing this tonight, I just want to make it home safely on my flight tomorrow, and I should because my cardiologist cleared me to fly and make this trip. Manifest it or at least fake it until I make it.
Whatever the outcome, one thing I do need to do is slow my roll, way. the. fuck. down. On this trip, Cristin often pointed out that I walk way too fast and that I plan too much. I need to slow my walk and take it all in, and I need to plan less and let the day come to me. And I need to B.R.E.A.T.H.E. She pointed out that I talk way too fast and that I often hold my breath. I need to breathe deeply, not just into my front belly, but into my side belly. My goal is to carry back to the mainland a slow roll and deep side belly breaths. Onward & upward.
I think that it was after reading some book by Jon Kabat Zinn in my early 30s that I became hyper-aware of my breathing. I had never paid attention to my breathing before, and I discovered that I'd always hold my breath while drafting an email, or if someone said something that annoyed me. Once I started to breath more deeply and slowly, everything calmed down and felt more manageable. I guess it's a cliche, but it felt like a revolution.
Alex and I have been talking about the social media dilemma, and he wrote about it this morning: https://adlcworld.substack.com/p/building-things-that-bring-us-together
I don't think it's unrelated to what Cristin's comment about walking. We can take more in when we walk slowly. I enjoy seeing your stories on Instagram and getting a peek into your life, but I probably see more than 100 videos in less than 5 minutes on Instagram and I hardly remember any of them by the time my Screen Time limit kicks me off. There's a quote from Rushkoff that has stayed with me:
"Narrativity and goals are surrendered to a skewed notion of the real and the immediate; the Tweet; the status update. What we are doing at any given moment becomes all-important— which is behavioristically doomed. For this desperate approach to time is at once flawed and narcissistic."
When we slow down to write, reflect, and revise, it feels like entering someone else's head, and always leaves me with more I want to talk about. So call me soon, homie. hugs.