I had coffee with Tonchi, Tony & Chi, this past Friday to catch up post holiday travels, and for them to show me their Japanese shopping haul. IYKYK. During our hilarious conversations, I shared a musing whilst living my best life in ‘Straya; and yes, I kept it from y’all in my last post, in an effort to save it for a future post — and here we is. Chi encouraged me to write about it, further affirmation that I was on the right track saving it for a stand-alone post.
As I’ve gotten older, soon to be 54 this year, I find myself resentful, well, maybe resentful is too harsh of a word, probably more like FOMO, but FOMO isn’t quite it either, maybe jealous? What’s the word to describe the angst I feel when I see kids in their early twenties living AND looking their best lives? I remember my twenties, I always rolled in a group, the weekend started on Thursday night, the skin on my face was taught and full of the good fat that makes you look young, and it felt like I had unlimited energy even though I was operating on way less sleep than I do now. I miss such perks, but they are not worth it to be twenty again.
Both my surrogate daughter Paris (a former student of mine who just turned 40) and I agree that we much rather be old and have the wisdom we’ve gained than to be young again. So, if it’s not me wanting to be young again, what is this angst I feel when I see young people doing their thing? Sometimes the angst expresses itself more like FOMO, sometimes more longing, and most recently in Australia, it expressed itself more like bitterness. Right? Me? A bitter old queen? Not on brand. But as I watched groups of Australian twenties do their thing on this particular day, the thought, “must be good for them until it isn’t”, popped in my head. And that’s when I had this “A-HA!” moment — this is what connects all of us, the young to the old, the beautiful to the not-so beautiful, the fit to the unfit, and the haves with the have-nots:
It’s good until it isn’t.
Everyone riding the good wave will at some point experience an isn’t moment. And maybe we should all spend less time worrying about the “isn’t” and when it will come, and focus more on being present when riding the wave of “it’s good”. My 2025 energy is to enjoy my time in “it’s good” without worrying about when “it isn’t” is coming — this won’t come completely natural nor easy.
I remember riding the good wave around this time in 2023 and writing about it, and then the Long Covid symptoms hit, then the arrhythmia, and finally the atrial flutter that knocked me into “it isn’t”. It took me the second half of 2023 plus most of 2024 to finally be able to say, “It’s good.” I’m currently riding a good but unlike the “it’s good” of 2023, the good wave in 2025 is tainted by some PTSD from the past 18 months. When friends ask me how I’m doing, I respond “good”, but I often qualify it with…”until it isn’t”. In time, I hope to be able to say it’s good without the qualifier.
As I mentioned earlier in this post, I always rolled in groups during my twenties, and I want to bring back this energy in 2025. If you are a friend, plan on getting more group invites from me this year, and I plan to coordinate over e-mail rather than text — you know, like the early aughts. I like the e-mail vibe, it’s less pressing and demanding, allowing the other person to respond more at their own pace. The idea of an email also appeals to me because I am curious to see exactly whose emails I do have, and this will naturally help narrow the list of people. Here’s to rolling in groups in 2025!
And my final act of 2025 energy? Sleep naked. You welcome. I slept naked all through my twenties, thirties and most of my forties, and for some reason (I became prudish?) found myself sleeping in pajamas in my fifties. A friend reminded me of how good it feels to sleep naked so I went back to this over a month ago. I immediately noticed a huge improvement in sleep quality (length of sleep, temperature regulation, interrupted sleep) after the first night, and I continue to feel better sleeping naked over one month in. I do want to remind you the title of this Substack: Sample Size of One, and that this is purely anecdotal and associative. I did not do the science, and I have no evidence of causal relationship between sleeping naked and improved quality of sleep.
And in honor of SZA, who is also riding the good wave in 2025 with the #1 album, the #1 movie, and is set to do a stadium tour this year, the soundtrack of this post is one of my favorite songs off her new album. Both title and lyrics are not a metaphor of my current state of being. Locking in for 2025.